Deviancy Amplification Spiral

Sorry I've been silent. My life's really weird right now. Internal crap, mostly, and I'm always uncomfortable about sharing things... I dunno. Still alive. I think things are improving, but it's so hard to tell. I'm incredibly moody right now.

Possibly going to be doing more horseback riding, though. Spent a good chunk of the day shopping for tack for Ysabella, since I climbed onto her back yesterday and she didn't freak out.

I crave sugar. I think I'm going to go on a midnight baking spree.

So I actually did do productive things about my problems. I also went on a community-joining binge.  I may leave some of them, but eh. Will see.

Also, did I mention that I got horsies today? Two more horsies. Arabian fillies. One's a gray named Bella, the other's bay with three white socks. I may name her "Dima" which supposedly means "downpour" in Arabic. It would be very appropriate, since it poured rain both when we went to see them the first time and when we were bringing them home. Not sure. It does mean more work ahead of me, especially since they're both rescue horses and need a lot of care and work, and, as always, I'm the one home most of the time.

I still have no idea which writing project to work on. Snow Queen, probably. Meh. Barely wrote today. Just been busy lately.

Today started pretty awfully. Slept until almost 3pm (because I hadn't gone to bed until almost 7am. Sleep schedule is ruined at the moment), woke up cold and tired and grumpy. One of my triops had mortally wounded another one, too, so I'm down to two three-eyed mutant space-crustaceans now. When I let my puppy out, she attacked one of the young chickens and got her cornered into a tight little space under the house. Bruised/scraped my arm all to hell rescuing the stupid bird while the dog kept trying to pull out her feathers. When the puppy is intent on something--like chasing animals--she completely stops listening to commands, including "No." Frustrating enough that we're talking about muzzling her while she's outside just so she can't bite things. She'll probably still chase them and get them stuck, though... I don't know. Later, I felt exhausted and almost had a panic attack just because I utterly couldn't concentrate. I probably need to be on ADD meds again, but that means going to the doctor, which means making an appointment and finding some way to get to it and... nng. I just need a car. Or a motorcycle! But the motorcycle got given away and the two cars sitting out there don't run. We just have non-running cars parked in front of the shed like proper rednecks.

Things got a little better in the evening, pretty much after I had my first dose of caffeine for the day.  Got the Dreamwidth account and screwed around with it, rp'ed the Magnificent Bastard a little bit and drank more tea.

I'm really behind in my writing. I've been working through some writing excercises from a book, but skipped doing it yesterday and I still haven't done it today, either, even though it's nearing 3am. I have a novelette (Chosen Duties) likely sitting in the slush pile at Asimov's at the moment, so that's good, but my other "completed" story (Sanctuary, which is kinda... uh... post-apocalyptic romance) is still in draft stage. There's plot problems that I'm not sure how to fix and while other people really like the concept, I'm still not that fond. If anyone out there wants to give it a readthrough and see if you notice anything that others have missed, let me know.  I always appreciate critique.

I have a couple more stories on the drawing board. One is taking a lot of research which I'm slowly but surely getting through, the other just stems from a character (Simon) that really grabbed me. I just need to sit down and write. And not get distracted by shiny things or frustrated by... frustrating things.

Feeling physically  a bit better today, though, aside from fatigue. Maybe whatever's wrong with me is going away again?