Deviancy Amplification Spiral

OMG. Chupaqueso. Between this and chicken-fried bacon, the Internet is making sure I will never be thin again. Surprisingly easy. I think I should've used the muenster on the outside and the co-jack on the inside instead of vice-versa. I'd take a picture, but I eated it. (For those too lazy to go click through the website, it's a crispy shell of fried cheese filled with even more cheese.) OMNOMNOM.

On a related note, here's some other super-short, word-limited stories. Was a fun little challenge while procrastinating on other things:

1. Defenestration.
2. Running scared.
3. Lost: one cause.
4. Dead love; alchemical resurrection.
5. Underneath, it wasn't a mask.
6. Death was easy; they demanded life.
7. I left the body on his doorstep.
8. She gave him the choice: "Wizardry or me."
9. When he finally looked outside, it was raining ashes.
10. In the end, it really was all just a dream.

Nine is my favorite story, and also, perhaps coincidentally, my favorite number. Man, I'm writing dark and bittersweet stuff lately. No wonder I don't want to work on Sanctuary, even if it is post-apocalyptic. It's also genuinely fluffy. Which is probably why people liked it. But I have to totally rewrite the first and last scenes, I'm guessing. The first probably needs it more than the last.

Inevitably, when I set my Pidgin status to "Writing" I get distracted and do other things. Sometimes for hours. Even when I've got my document open and everything all arranged and I know I'm going to start writing right now. This procrastination is, as always, a manifestation of my fear of writing--or rather, my fear of being criticized, which comes from my big insecurity over being perceived as "wrong" in some way. Which comes from being right most of the time, I suppose, though it was very much heightened by a certain event when I was eighteen when I was told I was wrong about something very deep and dear to me.

1581 words on the Snow Queen story today. I anticipate a thoroughly awful first draft. But I keep telling myself that awful drafts or even awful finished pieces of absolute terrible drivel are better than unfinished masterpieces. I just have to keep slogging away, especially when it gets hard.

My mother is trying to tell me the reason that I'm sleeping poorly is that the way my (makeshift) bed is situated, my head is pointing north and that I should try sleeping at the other end. Because feng shui says so. I'm tempted to try it.

And on a last random but disturbing note, Pidgin crashes the first time I try to tell anyone about the AI in Zak's story. It's really fucking creepy. Once, it did it 3 times in a row. Is it some string of characters that I end up using that somehow breaks the program? Am I typing too fast? I have no idea. Thinking about putting some of my Zakai writings online. Don't know. Weird brain I have.

More than a little depressed, but this website says it's Saturday so I'm okay. I think I'm going to get some writing done and drown my sorrows in some kind of engrossing single-player game until my parents drag me off to do more farm stuff.

Pondering a noontime-breakfast other than cereal, but not much use cooking if it's only me. I should start cooking more, again, but I just get a bit frustrated with my gluten-free diet. (Celiac disease. I should write a post about it and how much fun it is to eat out one of these days.)

Also, I'm regretting Facebook again. I joined it while I was in Maine at the prodding of some of my co-workers, but I listed my school info so I keep getting messages from people I went to high school with. I am terrified of people I went to high school with, because catching up with them inevitably means talking about all the shit that's happened in my life and why the smart kid didn't go to college etc. etc. Admittedly, it did go well once, even if she did turn around and stand me up for a date-in-the-non-romantic-sense.

Sorry I'm so whiny lately, folks. And posting so much. It'll go away. And suffering's good for me, right?

What? Another stupid drabble? Yes.


( The plague crept in on little rat feet... )

Re-read an old story (probably going to be a novella?) which is a retelling of Hans Christian Andersen's The Snow Queen in a kinda steampunk/anachronistic tone. Some bits are honestly some of the best I've ever written, and it's heavy on style/voice. Pretty neat. It's still definitely a first draft. The wild raven is awesome, though. I only hope my equivalent of the 'tame raven' is equally so. (One word: clockwork.)

Made myself write a bit, using a timer and booze. Got 645 words out. Meant to write more, but got distracted and did strange things. Like write a drabble. And design a tattoo ( http://alexxan.googlepages.com/spiraly.jpg ).

Also remembered I'd made this icon of my character Jack. Say hello to Jack's awesome gas mask.

So while I was procrastinating and not writing, I drew (well, digitally painted) the weirdest thing I've ever drawn. Ever. This from the guy who draws cyberpunk centaurs,  vegetable-octopus hybrids, and chibi cyborgs cuddling spines.

( Image under the cut... )

I made it into a wallpaper, too, if anyone's interested. Similar but not identical background.

Ask it the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow...

This was pretty much just an excuse to see how this icon looks with my layout, since edgeraven has me worrying about aesthetics now, damn him.  ;)


It still totally sounds like the kind of thing that, if we were living in science fiction, would develop sentience and take over the world. It even has a cool name.

Today started pretty awfully. Slept until almost 3pm (because I hadn't gone to bed until almost 7am. Sleep schedule is ruined at the moment), woke up cold and tired and grumpy. One of my triops had mortally wounded another one, too, so I'm down to two three-eyed mutant space-crustaceans now. When I let my puppy out, she attacked one of the young chickens and got her cornered into a tight little space under the house. Bruised/scraped my arm all to hell rescuing the stupid bird while the dog kept trying to pull out her feathers. When the puppy is intent on something--like chasing animals--she completely stops listening to commands, including "No." Frustrating enough that we're talking about muzzling her while she's outside just so she can't bite things. She'll probably still chase them and get them stuck, though... I don't know. Later, I felt exhausted and almost had a panic attack just because I utterly couldn't concentrate. I probably need to be on ADD meds again, but that means going to the doctor, which means making an appointment and finding some way to get to it and... nng. I just need a car. Or a motorcycle! But the motorcycle got given away and the two cars sitting out there don't run. We just have non-running cars parked in front of the shed like proper rednecks.

Things got a little better in the evening, pretty much after I had my first dose of caffeine for the day.  Got the Dreamwidth account and screwed around with it, rp'ed the Magnificent Bastard a little bit and drank more tea.

I'm really behind in my writing. I've been working through some writing excercises from a book, but skipped doing it yesterday and I still haven't done it today, either, even though it's nearing 3am. I have a novelette (Chosen Duties) likely sitting in the slush pile at Asimov's at the moment, so that's good, but my other "completed" story (Sanctuary, which is kinda... uh... post-apocalyptic romance) is still in draft stage. There's plot problems that I'm not sure how to fix and while other people really like the concept, I'm still not that fond. If anyone out there wants to give it a readthrough and see if you notice anything that others have missed, let me know.  I always appreciate critique.

I have a couple more stories on the drawing board. One is taking a lot of research which I'm slowly but surely getting through, the other just stems from a character (Simon) that really grabbed me. I just need to sit down and write. And not get distracted by shiny things or frustrated by... frustrating things.

Feeling physically  a bit better today, though, aside from fatigue. Maybe whatever's wrong with me is going away again?