(no subject)

[seidskratti]

More and more, I think I'm going to end up going somewhere new and forcing myself out of my rut by making myself have to get out and get a job and interact with people just to survive. If I had a laptop, I think I could fit everything important in a duffel bag...

Not sure where, though.

Argh. I'm so crazy.

Comments

[sterling]

Sounds like you've got serious cabin fever. D:

Pardon my not knowing, but what's holding you back?

[seidskratti]

Guilt, mostly. My parents will view it as running away (again) and be seriously unhappy with me. My mom will guilt-trip me about how she's tried so hard and gone out of her way to make me feel welcome and do things for me. And, well.. I'm going to have to either rely on their help to get out or do some hitchhiking...

[sterling]

From an objective point of view, if you let guilt rule your life, you'll never truly learn who you are, or what gives you happiness.

Stuck in your position, I might see if I could get a job, save up for a car (if you don't have one) and then save up a few thousand dollars and go looking for an apartment somewhere closer to civilization, and then go. It might take awhile, and certainly isn't always easy to make changes like this, but it sounds like as long as you are with your mom, you're going to hold yourself back from your chance at having a real life.

Honestly, looking at the big picture, we can never truly pay our parents back, or thank them enough for the things they have done for us. A parent guilting you for not providing that has unrealistic expectations.

Some of the best parents I've ever known (not mine) have said things like "My biggest reward as a parent, was watching you grow into a mature, capable adult." Any parent that expects anything more is probably a bit on the mental side.

On the bright side, once you get out in the world and live your dreams, you can always celebrate it by telling your mom about it, and maybe doing something special for her as a result. If she's not nuts, she'll understand and appreciate the gesture.

[seidskratti]

I don't have a car, which is the obvious problem here. I'm 15 miles from the nearest small town, which means without a car, there's no way I can get a job. My parents both work over 40 hours a week and I'm left here by myself. I don't have any other friends or family here who'd be willing to help. Hence I just want to get out of here and go somewhere that I can at least use public transit until I can save up. I'm willing to be homeless, even. I've been practically such before.

I don't have any dreams. I just know I'm miserable where I'm at.

[sterling]

Hmm. I guess if you don't have anything specific to look forward to in life, it could explain a lot of your misery. D:

I left home as soon as I graduated high school and started following my dreams, the first one simply being: independence. Living on the street was a fleeting thought, since anything seemed better than my childhood home, but ultimately that doesn't get you anything except more misery, unless you're honestly happy being that much of a free spirit.

It's just as hard to find a (decent) job when homeless as it is when you're carless. Public transit won't do you any good if you have no where to take it to, you know?

Would it be possible to use your mom's car on the weekends, or late weeknights for a part time job? Do you have any collectable stuff you could sell on eBay or some other type of place?

I apologize if I come off as sounding naive or too positive. My life philosophies are such that I believe I can do whatever my heart strongly desires, and I don't tend to let any of my problems defeat me. I often wish the same for others, and then troubleshoot like I would do in my own life, so it's therein that I ramble.

[seidskratti]

I've been on my own before. For five years. I left home just after high school, too. And I survived just fine. Coming back here was my stupid decision. But I don't even have my driver's license and no one has time to help me get it, even though the only thing I really need to work on is stopping/starting on hills.

I try to sell stuff on eBay, but it's really difficult when I'm on dialup, and it's tough for me to ship stuff, too, since I can't go get packing materials or even send my boxes off.

Just really frustrated. Thinking about the future makes me feel suicidal. :(

[sterling]

Hmm. Well, how bad is your relationship with your mom? Could you ever have like a heart-to-heart with her about how you're thinking and feeling?

Yeah, I hear ya. I've been uber frustrated about things before. Never suicidal though -- I don't have it in me.

[veluriel]

I'd say live with me if I lived in the US.