seidskratti: Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart. (Default)
Well, it was last weekend of the Georgia Renaissance Festival, and we went as patrons and I had a rather unpleasant time. Saturday was okay. I wore street clothes, except that in the afternoon I put on elf ears and wandered around causing drunks to do double-takes. I think drinking first thing helped, because it kills some of my social anxiety. Sigh. I don't drink much, still, but I've been drinking a lot more lately and I sometimes worry it's too much. Lots of alcoholics on my dad's side. Anyway. Saturday wasn't bad. Got henna'd, too, an attempt at the design I want inked.

Sunday was. I picked out some pieces for a cooler outfit than the steampunk monstrosity (though it'll still match) in exchange for doing some work. Not bad at all, considering the pants I got were $75 washable silk. Changing clothes, I put my arm down on a bee and got stung. Ow. Also got a bit overheated. Later that evening, just before pub sing, I sat down on a nail and tore the $75 pants. gnar. Also, there was just a lot of talk from people who knew me when I was someone else, and even my mom screwing up and saying things I'd rather she wouldn't.. I expect it out of my stepdad, but it hurts when she does.

Anyway. Very glad to be home. I'm not sure I want to go back to GARF. Not like this, at least. Not with them. I want to get out of here, and the temptation to just run away somewhere without the promise of a job or place to live is more and more tempting. I hate feeling trapped. It makes me desperately depressed and think unpleasant things.

Could probably write more, but I can't get my thoughts straight. Everyone wants to RP with me, but I'm just a mess. Still. And I can't even blame it on other people this time. I sorta want to just hide from everyone.

Also, happy birthday to [profile] edgeraven , who is all legal and stuff now.
seidskratti: Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart. (Default)
Slept for 10 hours or so today but still managed to do things, even if I was lazy.

Gloves for airship pirate outfit done, finally. Fingerless, thin black fleece. No effort, just kept forgetting. I want to prance around in my steampunk clothes, but I lack a place to do it. I kinda lack real-life socialization in general, right now. Completely.

Spent an hour or so trying to catch Dima, one of the new horses. The other, Bella, is very friendly and very assertive, which is a pain when the shy, younger horse is trying to come see me and the other is biting her and chasing her off. This is tough because Dima has to be caught, since we have to medicate her eye twice daily--she had a corneal ulcer that she's recovering from. Both these girls are rescues, and Dima definitely shows it. She's skinny, shy, and covered in scabs. Bleh. We need a round pen. We also need a bigger barn. And more time. I need lots more time. I'll try to post horse pictures as soon as I have them. My mother has taken a few, I think, but they're on her phone.

Was surprised by an unexpected dinner guest who is a very sweet old southern lady but whom I find pretty unpleasant to be around because of her very contrary political views, rampant racism, and the way she treats me. Pretty much the same reasons I don't enjoy my stepdad's company, actually, except she's just techno-illiterate, not afraid of any advancements.

Playing Final Fantasy VI (III US) again. I've never actually beaten it. Trying to change that this time. I just wanted something that had enough of a plot to keep me distracted so I won't keep thinking about the bad things in my life right now. I haven't written today and I don't feel like it. Maybe I'll get more done... I don't know. Also haven't felt much like RP, probably because I've barely had enough uninterrupted time to even think about it, or when I do, no one's on. I don't even really feel guilty for not being on TK right now, which is unusual. Maybe I'll end up leaving like I end up leaving everywhere. :| It isn't that I'm not having fun, I suppose, it's just not what I feel like at the moment. I don't know what I do feel like. Which is pretty much the story of my life.

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